I and Thou

 A library book surprised me.  It's a demanding textbook on Living with Dementia and the Foreword began with a two line quote: 

What's more important love or money? 

Love definitely.  

Interestingly it was quoting a question and answer from a resident in a dementia care home. 

This opened up the whole question of how best to test people with deteriorating memories. Usual tests ask questions of detail, such as the date, day of the week, or give an address to remember and a clock face to fill in.  In contrast with this approach, the author introduced the distinction made famous by the religious thinker Martin Buber. I rubbed my eyes with delight. The contrast in Buber's book titled I and Thou (1922) was still making waves when I studied theology (years ago!). He contrasted the I-It approach which concerns our experiencing and using of things with the I-Thou approach which concerns the whole of our being entering into real relationships grounded in life. Indeed, through such  whole person relationships we can be open to what Buber called 'the eternal Thou'. 

It's true isn't it that I-It relationships can be distant, objective, detached and cool? Ticking boxes. Putting people into categories.  But in I-Thou relationships your engagement is personal, making you open and vulnerable in genuine dialogue by making mutual commitment to understand who the other person is. Asking people about what truly matters in life - money or love - engages in a profoundly different I-Thou way and allows  you to see the humanity, wisdom and creativity of the other person.  

As you can imagine this sets the scene for the book's stress on person-centred care that seeks to create good moments in relationships and values that connect with the strengths possessed by people living with dementia.  I like the challenge of rejecting the I-It transactional approach to life for the richer I-Thou.  Whether you're thinking of dementia or relationships in general the richer I-Thou is the way to live.  A good reminder.

Spurgeon's College

 I have been asked by several people about my response to the sudden closure of Spurgeon's College on July 25th. After 169 years it was announced that the college was no longer viable.  I was Principal 1993-2000 so shared just a little in it's recent story.  My response?  Like most peoples! Utter incomprehensibility!  How could such a thing possibly occur without us being aware of its troubles - for prayer and giving?  Shock, sadness, questions.

I met with my friend and colleague at Spurgeon's, Ian Randall, two days ago. He shares the same sense of loss and sadness, especially over the suddenness with which staff and students have had their careers and courses severed.  We agreed that our measured response should focus on prayer for those caught in the cross-hairs  with especial concern for all remedial actions being taken to help people in their vocations. And that we should not despair that this is God's final word on Spurgeon's as a vision to prepare men and women to serve Jesus.  Something fresh and inspiring may be in God's will.

It is of little value to recall how the College functioned back in my time.  I confess I only have very sketchy awareness of recent developments which led to this disaster.  All I know I can do, is to pray for those who are damaged and cheer on fresh possibilities - of which there are encouraging signs.  

But it's tragic still the same.

Porridge and Christmas 2026

I was thinking. Porridge is a slang British term for a prison sentence (because that's standard prison breakfast)!. It was the title of a popular comedy sitcom on British TV. As I complete one week of a porridge diet, courtesy of my mouth ulcers, I realize it's been a kind of short imprisoning (so far) which has certainly limited me. Because exhaustion is blamed for the ulcers appearance in my mouth, I have been taking it easy - though no choice really. In Limbo time.

However, I have received a writing commission that I should complete in the next few weeks. It's beginning to nag me. It's scheduled for Christmas 2026. (Yes, I know that's looking ahead but notes for Scripture Union's Encounter God need future planning).  And this is the surprise. The section of Scripture chosen for the days beginning Monday December 21, 2026 is Paul's letter to the Philippians. Did that book immediately come to mind?

It's going to be a prayerful responsibility to see myself as a reader at Christmas time. Context really matters for reading Scripture. Because God encounters us in his living word it is alive and active for every context.  Not that the context ever changes Scripture's timeless truths but wherever or whoever we are its relevance remains sharper than a two-edged sword. The busy days of Christmas fill up our time with activities of every kind. Thinking back to days with a young family, a hectic schedule drove a long list of to do's in order that the celebration would meet expectations (including all the church activities).  Admittedly nowadays the list is shorter. Yet routines of Christmas activity are common for so many readers.

In Christmas routines Paul's letter needs to be heard afresh. Are there particular challenges to which the Spirit seeks to alert me. I shall not trouble you with all that I hope to discover but it will be good to have a sounding board as I try to be a listener truly open to what God is saying. And I'm still on  porridge.

80 with porridge

Yesterday I celebrated 80 years alive with genuine gratitude to the Lord for every year. It's easy to be grateful. They've been packed with love and grace, as a child, youth, with such positive relationships all the way. Then meeting Carol and starting our own family. God's call into ministry with all the shared service in churches and colleges, Carol always at my side.

But yes, inevitably her illness has changed much of our lives this year.  Instead of creating birthday enthusiasm - one of her sparkly gifts - setting out the breakfast table with cards and gifts anticipating the big day, it didn't register this year.  Since returning home from hospital her memory continues to very patchy! Adding to the unusual tone, my ulcers decided to unite within my mouth. Careful pain stewardship, like eating carefully on the left, had to be abandoned. My whole mouth became inflamed in pain. I was strongly advised by a friend to start swilling with salt water to kill the bacteria immediately. Further I was advised to stay off all the good things I was thinking of eating and make porridge for myself! That was the story of non-feasting on my big day...and it looks to continue for some while after a torrid night.

Yet, yesterday reminded me again how the church family can really be family. The whole church had signed a birthday card for me when I was absent on Sunday and calls, visits, emails piled in to incarnate the care.  Since neither of my families could physically share, it was startling how knocks on the door ushered in cakes, goodies and church friends through much of the day. Two good friends arrived with a poster celebrating my 80th. He's a professional signwriter with his life's work scattered through the University, city, pubs, vehicles etc. etc What amazed me was his memory of me mentioning (way back) that my favourite animal is the zebra.  On the poster is an impressive zebra. Further, he had wrapped two packages. They turned out to be shields on which he had hand-painted the Quicke family crest (which he had successfully researched) and Jesus College.  A zebra card accompanied all this with some over the top but joyful to read celebratory words.  I cannot remember a birthday when someone had spent so much time practically on creating beautiful things just for me.  I am truly, truly grateful to belong to a Christian family.  

Motive?

 Carol's return home has transferred her hospital suffering upstairs with disturbed nights, another fall though less spectacular, and continuing trouble trying to tempt her to drink (vital for the UTI) and eat (vital for some energy). I am not sure she shows any improvement since returning but then she has been receiving no medicine for a week. Friends have been so kind popping in briefly and praying. Occasionally bringing food - very welcome to me!

However a background issue has been buzzing. ( I think other old preachers may understand).  Several weeks ago I was invited to preach at my own local church on Sunday 27th. This Sunday!  I only preach at my own church since Carol has been poorly, and this was only the second time this year.  Ever since my call to preach in Chatsworth Baptist Church (and that story has been written up!) I have experienced the wonder and terror of sharing God's word. Listening for a biblical word and proclaiming it. I have always found preparation has taken me to deeper places with God, and the actual act of preaching has brought a powerful sense of working with God for transformation.  For me, it's a very special opportunity.

So, when all this dramatic stuff with dear Carol was happening I still felt positive about preaching this Sunday.  Yes, I am tired but my early work with the chosen text has been exhilarating. Even last Sunday when I was asked whether I would be able to preach I answered 'yes'.  I was sure!  Why was I so convinced?  On Monday night Carol fell in the bedroom again and set my pulse racing. I realized how weary I really was.  I still felt preaching was a possibility. Yet, by morning, when her UTI test showed no improvement I recognized the folly of persisting with my dream.

Why had I hung on so long?  All kinds of motives might lurk in my soul?  Now in my bone-weariness, I am grateful that my friend Ian Randall is preaching in my stead. But I don't think it should have taken me so long to withdraw!   

Bed Pressure

I am very grateful for friend's care as some of you have responded and others are hearing the news.  Wednesday night was distressing with hallucinations etc. and as I went back into hospital on Thursday morning I had concerns and questions (you bet!) Carol had still not slept much and slotted in between her chair and the nurses station, a 91 year old lady was sitting waiting for a bed, the need of which she announced at regular intervals throughout the day. When I sat in Carol's chair my elbow nearly touched this troubled lady's, so I couldn't but help share her agitation

Further tests continued with bags of antibiotic flowing into Carol's canula. When the doctor came late morning there was still no news about her heart condition. Though I say it myself, I gave a fairly accurate nurses' impression for several hours, moving to-and-fro the loo and trying to make Carol comfortable. Friends tell me that this was noticed! It would likely be responsible for a decision that day.

Hours later, a new senior figure appeared and told me that Carol could go home and the doctor would explain why. Stunned is the word.  Really stunned!  The doctor explained they had spent considerable time on Carol's diagnosis. Their conclusion was helped by a recent research paper he had read that the UTI infection was sufficiently serious it actually caused the heart problem.  So, with a measure of confidence they were ceasing her heart medication - drugs, injections - and sending her out with 2 more days of UTI medicine - 4 precious orange pills - into my tender care.

Later, when I returned with her clothes helped by a friend with a blue badge who could park near the hospital entrance, she was sleeping yet happy to be woken for dressing and the journey home. As they stripped the bed I was aware that the dear neighbouring-chair lady appeared to be taking her bed.  Such is the pressure on beds, evident from the moment you come into A and E, that Carol needed to be discharged.  Yes, that's put extra responsibility on me and it will be much more complex monitoring her recovery from the UTI, but I realized it was an inevitable decision. From the 7 pages of discharge papers it is clear how exhaustive the testing has been and (in spite of the surprise discharge) how excellent has been the care.

I told Carol I was posting this. She said: 'Please tell them I'm still poorly and I need their prayers.' I am so grateful to know that many friends will respond.

Sudden bad news

Breezy talk about the Austrian Alps has been obliterated by dire happenings for Carol.  For those who know her bright lively spirit, I need to report that early (5.00 am) on Monday she collapsed dramatically beside the bed.  Unable to move or coherently express herself I assumed some kind of stroke. Whatever it might be, she lay in pain for 2 hours before 2 ambulances appeared in sequence. Manpower was needed from both to carry her downstairs.  Many hours in A and E assessment led to a plethora of tests - CT scan, blood tests galore, ECG etc.  Impressive in a very busy ward.  Moved into a dementia ward Carol continued in pain and uncertainty.

I assumed Urinary Tract Infection would explain much of her distress and pain. What I would never have guessed is that tests seem to reveal she has suffered a silent heart attack.  Without the normal symptoms the heart shows considerable stress of a heart attack. It's a new one to me. The troponin blood test which should show a maximum count of 39, stood at 750!  An echocardiogram today is supposed to reveal more.

We await more information as Carol stays unhappily in hospital.  For those who don't know Carol, then skip over this personal bulletin. But I would so value prayers at this difficult time.