80 with porridge

Yesterday I celebrated 80 years alive with genuine gratitude to the Lord for every year. It's easy to be grateful. They've been packed with love and grace, as a child, youth, with such positive relationships all the way. Then meeting Carol and starting our own family. God's call into ministry with all the shared service in churches and colleges, Carol always at my side.

But yes, inevitably her illness has changed much of our lives this year.  Instead of creating birthday enthusiasm - one of her sparkly gifts - setting out the breakfast table with cards and gifts anticipating the big day, it didn't register this year.  Since returning home from hospital her memory continues to very patchy! Adding to the unusual tone, my ulcers decided to unite within my mouth. Careful pain stewardship, like eating carefully on the left, had to be abandoned. My whole mouth became inflamed in pain. I was strongly advised by a friend to start swilling with salt water to kill the bacteria immediately. Further I was advised to stay off all the good things I was thinking of eating and make porridge for myself! That was the story of non-feasting on my big day...and it looks to continue for some while after a torrid night.

Yet, yesterday reminded me again how the church family can really be family. The whole church had signed a birthday card for me when I was absent on Sunday and calls, visits, emails piled in to incarnate the care.  Since neither of my families could physically share, it was startling how knocks on the door ushered in cakes, goodies and church friends through much of the day. Two good friends arrived with a poster celebrating my 80th. He's a professional signwriter with his life's work scattered through the University, city, pubs, vehicles etc. etc What amazed me was his memory of me mentioning (way back) that my favourite animal is the zebra.  On the poster is an impressive zebra. Further, he had wrapped two packages. They turned out to be shields on which he had hand-painted the Quicke family crest (which he had successfully researched) and Jesus College.  A zebra card accompanied all this with some over the top but joyful to read celebratory words.  I cannot remember a birthday when someone had spent so much time practically on creating beautiful things just for me.  I am truly, truly grateful to belong to a Christian family.  

Motive?

 Carol's return home has transferred her hospital suffering upstairs with disturbed nights, another fall though less spectacular, and continuing trouble trying to tempt her to drink (vital for the UTI) and eat (vital for some energy). I am not sure she shows any improvement since returning but then she has been receiving no medicine for a week. Friends have been so kind popping in briefly and praying. Occasionally bringing food - very welcome to me!

However a background issue has been buzzing. ( I think other old preachers may understand).  Several weeks ago I was invited to preach at my own local church on Sunday 27th. This Sunday!  I only preach at my own church since Carol has been poorly, and this was only the second time this year.  Ever since my call to preach in Chatsworth Baptist Church (and that story has been written up!) I have experienced the wonder and terror of sharing God's word. Listening for a biblical word and proclaiming it. I have always found preparation has taken me to deeper places with God, and the actual act of preaching has brought a powerful sense of working with God for transformation.  For me, it's a very special opportunity.

So, when all this dramatic stuff with dear Carol was happening I still felt positive about preaching this Sunday.  Yes, I am tired but my early work with the chosen text has been exhilarating. Even last Sunday when I was asked whether I would be able to preach I answered 'yes'.  I was sure!  Why was I so convinced?  On Monday night Carol fell in the bedroom again and set my pulse racing. I realized how weary I really was.  I still felt preaching was a possibility. Yet, by morning, when her UTI test showed no improvement I recognized the folly of persisting with my dream.

Why had I hung on so long?  All kinds of motives might lurk in my soul?  Now in my bone-weariness, I am grateful that my friend Ian Randall is preaching in my stead. But I don't think it should have taken me so long to withdraw!   

Bed Pressure

I am very grateful for friend's care as some of you have responded and others are hearing the news.  Wednesday night was distressing with hallucinations etc. and as I went back into hospital on Thursday morning I had concerns and questions (you bet!) Carol had still not slept much and slotted in between her chair and the nurses station, a 91 year old lady was sitting waiting for a bed, the need of which she announced at regular intervals throughout the day. When I sat in Carol's chair my elbow nearly touched this troubled lady's, so I couldn't but help share her agitation

Further tests continued with bags of antibiotic flowing into Carol's canula. When the doctor came late morning there was still no news about her heart condition. Though I say it myself, I gave a fairly accurate nurses' impression for several hours, moving to-and-fro the loo and trying to make Carol comfortable. Friends tell me that this was noticed! It would likely be responsible for a decision that day.

Hours later, a new senior figure appeared and told me that Carol could go home and the doctor would explain why. Stunned is the word.  Really stunned!  The doctor explained they had spent considerable time on Carol's diagnosis. Their conclusion was helped by a recent research paper he had read that the UTI infection was sufficiently serious it actually caused the heart problem.  So, with a measure of confidence they were ceasing her heart medication - drugs, injections - and sending her out with 2 more days of UTI medicine - 4 precious orange pills - into my tender care.

Later, when I returned with her clothes helped by a friend with a blue badge who could park near the hospital entrance, she was sleeping yet happy to be woken for dressing and the journey home. As they stripped the bed I was aware that the dear neighbouring-chair lady appeared to be taking her bed.  Such is the pressure on beds, evident from the moment you come into A and E, that Carol needed to be discharged.  Yes, that's put extra responsibility on me and it will be much more complex monitoring her recovery from the UTI, but I realized it was an inevitable decision. From the 7 pages of discharge papers it is clear how exhaustive the testing has been and (in spite of the surprise discharge) how excellent has been the care.

I told Carol I was posting this. She said: 'Please tell them I'm still poorly and I need their prayers.' I am so grateful to know that many friends will respond.

Sudden bad news

Breezy talk about the Austrian Alps has been obliterated by dire happenings for Carol.  For those who know her bright lively spirit, I need to report that early (5.00 am) on Monday she collapsed dramatically beside the bed.  Unable to move or coherently express herself I assumed some kind of stroke. Whatever it might be, she lay in pain for 2 hours before 2 ambulances appeared in sequence. Manpower was needed from both to carry her downstairs.  Many hours in A and E assessment led to a plethora of tests - CT scan, blood tests galore, ECG etc.  Impressive in a very busy ward.  Moved into a dementia ward Carol continued in pain and uncertainty.

I assumed Urinary Tract Infection would explain much of her distress and pain. What I would never have guessed is that tests seem to reveal she has suffered a silent heart attack.  Without the normal symptoms the heart shows considerable stress of a heart attack. It's a new one to me. The troponin blood test which should show a maximum count of 39, stood at 750!  An echocardiogram today is supposed to reveal more.

We await more information as Carol stays unhappily in hospital.  For those who don't know Carol, then skip over this personal bulletin. But I would so value prayers at this difficult time.

Austrian alps and Barcelona

Sounds exotic!  In the Austrian alps and Barcelona on the same day.  Some of you will smile knowingly at my experience!  Yes, the hospital has referred me on to a gym to keep my 'escape pain' regime going. I took my form, which they had prepared for several class members, replete with personal health details, to a nearby gym. Unsurprisingly, even as I was making arrangements to have an assessment with a trainer at the gym, I pondered a fundamental issue - did I really want the regime to continue?  While attendance at the hospital sessions was enforced, this was entirely a personal choice.  Did I want to extend voluntarily an exercise regime?  

Anyway, with some diffidence, I did meet the trainer who filled in more forms and gave me a personal plan of exercise for an introductory month.  This involves using gym equipment which he demonstrated. I am supposed to engage in 5 minutes walking when I begin for cardio exercise and conclude with 5 minutes cycling.. This is when I made my discovery. The treadmill has a large screen offering travel routes. I found I could choose to walk or cycle in far off places. Beginning in the Austrian  Alps I was staggered at my level of engagement. I really was walking, alongside others, up this road surrounded by magnificent scenery. My gentle stroll didn't take me far but I guess that's the motivation - I'll want to go further and higher next time.

And at the end, my cycle ride along a promenade in Barcelona was a breathtaking contrast with the mountain track. Moving faster I enjoyed my time in the sunshine. I recognize that Carol and I will not be travelling again for a long time but this was a welcome surprise outing on the continent. I had been anticipating some dull repetitive machine exercises.  

It just goes to show how something that I assumed would be boring can surprise with delight.  I know that's how the text I mentioned last time: This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it can spring fresh experiences on the dullest and most repetitive days.