Thanksgiving Day Link

A bright day of full sunshine, full church, with an engaged Zoom congregation - what a celebration! I need to post about the 'scarves sharing' next time, but this post publishes the link for the service for those many friends who could not attend!  With the (vitally necessary) help of IT friends (including my grandson) I have added the link below. 

At funerals you may reconnect with many friends from the past. That happened in splendid clusters yesterday. Two Australian friends were the furthest travelled, but time-travelling took me back to the church where I was a teenager (Arbury Road Baptist, Cambridge), and many friends from 1980-1993 at St. Andrew's Street Baptist Church, Cambridge as well as Spurgeon's (1993-2000). The church in Blackburn and seminary in the USA will mostly need see the recording. Our current church in Histon excelled in the best of preparations, food, music, AV and just being there. I am immensely grateful to our pastor, Chris Farmer, for his sensitive leading at the quiet family cremation service earlier in the day and then the full thanksgiving service later.  

It's difficult identifying a few highlights but let me single out:

• The major focus on giving thanks to God for Carol which really sounded out. As someone said: No one could fail to see the Christian joy throughout.' 
• Photo montage through Carol's life, especially showing the determined little girl full of character.
• Both my boys spoke movingly - it was special hearing their recollections, which included....
• Audio recording of Carol (in 2015) telling how she met me for the first time.
• Histon church tribute with a poem on her 80th.
• Scarf sharing - more in next post.

Among other thanks, I mentioned (had to) Carol's talent for match-making in Cambridge and Spurgeon's. Someone calculated that least 7 couples were present whom I had married, of which three pairs had been encouraged together by Carol. What fun in reconnecting over a mammoth tea. afterwards. Many individual conversations I will treasure for a long time. Oh, so much that I shall treasure of the whole day!

John Gooch of our AV team gave me the link below. You will be able to see the full service and also the photo montage of Carol.  Hopefully when you click on it, all will become clear. Thank you for being part of a special day for my family.

 Thanksgiving Carol Quicke

Nearing the time.

Preparations for Carol's Thanksgiving Service are speeding up, with the big unknown inevitably still unknown - how many friends will actually attend! I guess it could be very crowded.

VENUE: Histon Baptist Church, Station Road, Histon, Cambridge CB24 9LQ

TIME: 1:30 pm on Monday 27th April.

Some additional parking will be available but I know it will be busy in the village.

ZOOM; For many friends who unable to attend the service we shall zoom, using the same ID as used for live Sunday worship. For the ID please see the Histon Baptist Church website welcome page: www.histonbaptist.org.uk.

RECORDING: For many friends unable to zoom we intend recording the service. I shall provide further details about how to listen to the recording.

DONATIONS - instead of flowers, though the church ladies are preparing the church colourfully, we are designating two charities, both of which became important to Carol.

• Arthur Rank Hospice Charity may be sent c/o Peasgood &Skeates, 164 Histon Road, Cambridge, CB4 3JP
• Histon Baptist Church may be made directly to the Church Sort Code 20-17-20 Account 83701808

DRESS - we know many friends will not see this message but the family would encourage the wearing of some colour! Carol loved colour.

I continue to be overwhelmed by all your kind messages and encouraging memories - it really brings comfort.

Corrective note

I must make clear that my Easter gratitude (last post) is genuine and the risen Jesus holds fast my faith. However, I realize how it may have sounded almost facile to skeptical friends. Is accepting a loved one's death that easy?  I need to add some reality, not to dramatize the sadness, but to safeguard against any impression that these last months have been coasting in comfort. Times of desolation have been acute. And were Carol's prayers answered in ways that she wanted? No. Our Christian faith faced struggles these last few months. Do I need to mention this? Well, only to underline how faith in God does not protect you from distress, but grants a way through. 

Carol was in bed for much of the time since mid-July 2025. Being at home meant comfort was always near. She never mentioned feeling alone or scared! However, her seven weeks in hospital was a different matter  During each day I stayed 8 to 10 hours. Her neurological disease (still undiagnosed as we await further brain post-mortem results) gave her times of lucidity in the midst of complete unreality. This was a frightening combination of knowing everything was strange around her with constant pain while not understanding what was actually happening to her. Even though her brain disease removed her ability to walk and use her hands, she still wanted to get out of bed and talked longingly of returning home soon. In the last few weeks her loss of swallowing was clearly terminal. Eating became impossible and even with careful sipping, her occasional choking racked her with panicked pain. Much of my time (really hours) was spent holding a drink with a straw to her chapped lips, encouraging the smallest of sips. 

There were particular moments of desolation. One came most nights at the painful moment of my leaving. I would say a prayer, leaning close with a kiss. Often she pleaded for me to stay. I can still hear the cry: ' Please don't leave me! I would stay a little longer until visiting hours were over.  But in the morning I heard from patients in adjoining beds how in the night she was crying out for help and sometimes sobbing. Nobody would give her a drink. I am sure some nurses did help, but her loneliness and desperation was heartbreaking. 

Another grave day, Carol shared her grief openly. She told me how much she had been praying to God to help her. 'I'm praying, and praying. I'm in such a mess but He won't help me. Why won't he help me?'  I had told her several times how serious her illness was and, by prayer, had hoped to prepare her for dying.  But the dementia aspect of her neurological disease was unable to comprehend.  I reassured her of God's love and of his promise to hold her fast in the valley of shadow, but until towards the very end it seemed to be incomprehensible to her anguished mind. As I mentioned in some past posts I do believe she came to a place of deeper peace at the end of her journey. When she slipped to glory I saw she was serenely at rest. I rejoice her cruel suffering is over. How I wish she had never had to go through it, yet Christian believers are not guaranteed freedom from suffering, are they?  Carol's Easter faith - the hymns we shall sing at her thanksgiving - holds fast through desolation. 

Easter Gratitude

It's a while ago that I preached on the Beatitude: Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. (Perhaps I should look back and see how helpful it might have been/be?) But the greatest comfort in mourning is the resurrection story and its grounding truth for all living and dying. I admit the lively Easter Sunday morning service in my church with its all-in children's presence (!) was a contrast with the inner feelings I have, but the Easter truth rang out loudly with its transforming power. Christ is risen! He is risen indeed! Alleluia!  

Though my family could not be with me, two friends in my church family shared their lunch with me. Their home has become familiar through their kindness during past months of Carol's illness, and this time with them made Easter all the better. To be with Easter people who share faith is the greatest blessing.  Yes, it truly helps those who mourn. 

One of the less bearable tasks has been planning the services for the crematorium and the church afterwards. However, Carol loved the classic Easter hymns (as well as contemporary ones too). In our Cambridge ministry I used to often choose them for communion services to emphasize the presence of Jesus at the table. I remember her delight with the hymn :Low in the grave he lay. It was the chorus she would sing out: 

Up from the grave he arose,

with a mighty triumph o'er his foes;

he arose a victor from the dark domain,

and he lives for ever with his saints to reign:

He arose! He arose!

Alleluia!  Christ arose!

So, we shell end her service with these words.  Plenty of exclamation marks but it's worth exclaining!

Hugs in strangeness

Yesterday I returned to church after weeks of absence, lately beside Carol's bed or zooming the services. I knew that church friends (and they really are friends!) would welcome me yet I confess some hesitation about the emotion of being back without Carol.  It hardly needs saying that Carol's presence always added joy and vigour to conversations. It's not that I don't try but it seemed effortless to her. Always among the first to grab a tea and mix with people after the services she revelled in fellowship. I quoted one of her church friends on Facebook yesterday. In her card,she wrote: Carol - flamboyantly, outrageously wonderful, a heart for God, a heart for people. Always ready with an anecdote, told in her own inimitable way. Time spent with Carol made you feel better!  

By contrast, after the service, I would often find myself in quieter conversation with the one or two, still without a coffee, with all the flamboyant outrageous stuff in the hall next door. But yesterday, from the beginning, the kindness and warmth of people was so genuine with the warmest of hugs and compassionate of words that I can't say it was effortless but nearly so!. Friends did ask me that difficult question: 'How are you, Michael?' Difficult, because truthfully you don't know how to answer in the anesthesia and tiredness of all the practical busyness. In early bereavement, the bewildering new life bewilders. But the love and prayers and hugs yesterday were wonderful to enjoy. Holy Week is the best time to re-enter congregational worship to prepare for resurrection day.  Right on the nail for bereavement. 

Clearer details

In the whirlwind of the last few days a key date has solidified.  It's some way off but this is vital for my family (small though it is) to gather from the US and Univ. finals.  Monday April 27 at 1:30 pm is now set for a Thanksgiving Service at Histon Baptist Church. As a family we shall meet for a committal service at the crematorium in the morning. 

There are so many thanks we shall want to give for Carol's life.  I know the boys will both reflect on their Mum in the service and some of that will be lively! The sheer range of contacts who have expressed their feelings to me has truly surprised me and fills me with pride.  She really did make a difference in other's lives.

Already, now the date is known, the ladies (I think it will be mostly ladies!) are beginning to plan out refreshments.  Musicians are being marshalled including one of our friends who wants to play the organ alongside other musicians. The organizer of the church flowers has been in touch about Carol's favourite text and what flowers should best be chosen to remember her. Isn't that great? The text Carol was given at her baptism always remained significant and I think that's probably the one I shall choose. Those who knew Carol best, realize how wisely appropriate it was. 'Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you' (1 Pet.5:7). One of her great anxieties was that I would die before her. This is not an uncommon worry, is it? 'I couldn't bear to me left on my own', she said.  Well, God really cares for her.

More details will emerge with hopes to zoom the service so that friends at a distance can share with us. I look forward to providing more details as they emerge.

A horrid day

I've tried not to think about it too much.. The post-mortem for Carol eventually took place at Addenbrookes Hospital, Cambridge today.  As expected (at least by the neurological researchers) no immediate cause of death was evident, so her brain is now undergoing histology examination with biopsies likely to take many weeks before any conclusions are drawn.  Nearly 2 weeks after her death we are still in limbo.

However, I am being issued with an interim death certificate that apparently acts like the real thing. I can plan the funeral with the family and, I think, register the death even though the proper certification is some way in the future. I have registered deaths before but it is definitely different for your wife.  As regards the funeral, I am meeting with the funeral director soon and have already been talking with our minister at Histon Baptist Church. It's a smaller building but it has become our spiritual home and, importantly, the ladies of the church are already gearing up to provide refreshments,.  They wonder how many people might turn up? Good question.

Fortunately the service will be online with Zoom which should enable friends at a distance to share in the service.  I am so relieved to have reached this stage. As soon as clear details emerge I shall post them, of course. So, expect to hear before long though the service will be a little way off so that my US family and London family with final exams etc. are all accounted for.