So what happened?

It was strange preaching again without Carol being physically with me. And, yes, at one point she did creep into the sermon! I began by thanking the church for their extraordinary hard work and loving support poured out to make Carol's Thanksgiving Service bearable and, at times, even joyful. I also had to mention the stupidly obvious sermon title I had chosen: Who matters most in church? Even people who never go near church will answer 'Well, it's God isn't it?' We need to say Jesus matters most - Head of the Church, his body. But what is stupid is when we never ask the question!

In these verse Paul is explosively personal. You can sense the passion and anger. Please understand that Paul really loves this church yet there is something he must repeat. It is essential in their situation but because God promises to keep speaking through his word, we must hear him now. A couple of different things happen. First there is a warning. 

(Verse 2) Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh.  There are two Greek words translated dog. One is for house dog. 'Sit....Fido. Good boy.' House trained – loyal friend. As a nation of dog lovers and cat lovers, we won't have a bad word said about Fido. But there is another word for dog – street dog. Street dogs are a world away from Fido. Feral, vicious, dangerous roaming the streets and attacking passersby. This is the word here. Street dogs have followed the apostle Paul wherever he has gone (see them mentioned in other letters too) with his good news message that Jesus is enough for salvation. They believe in Jesus but as Jewish Christians they are bullying and demanding converts need to be circumcised and follow other Jewish practices in order to be truly saved.  They are known as Judaisers. And when I say bullied there is a pernicious one upmanship that so upsets Paul. They know they are right about what matters to God and this young church is wrong. 

And, at this point in the young church’s story they are immensely dangerous. This is no minor issue, because Jesus is a Jew who gloriously fulfils the promise of the Old Testament with the gift of the New Covenant. Instead of all the rituals and sacrifices repeated every year, Jesus in his own sacrifice on the cross achieves forgiveness and eternal life once and for all. Sheer grace. A new family of God, New creation. But their teaching undoes everything about the good news of Jesus Christ. It's legalistic add-ons put emphasis back on obeying old commands rather than living in freedom to love God and neighbour within a kingdom of grace. They are saboteurs. If they win the fight they destroy the heart of grace in Christ..They are so sure they are right.  

So, how do we sum up this warning?  Beware the smasher-uppers. I know that’s not a real term but you know what I mean – people  who are so sure that they are so right about what really matters and other people are so wrong, they are bullying and forcing their way to divide and smash up a church. To destroy relationships because they know who counts . They are acting as though they MATTER MOST IN CHURCH.  They really do. They must get their way and they don't care what they smash up. In this church it threatens everything This is a big issue. But smasher-uppers don’t really need big issues. People can fixate on many things in church and it's so often complicated by personality issues. We know....

 

Too Soon?

I have been asked to preach next Sunday in Histon Baptist Church. Someone said to me: 'Isn't it too soon?' Good question. I am not sure. A series on Philippians is current and I need to slot in with a sermon on ch.3:1-11. Could it be too soon after Carol's funeral?  I guess my concentration levels are down a bit. In A grief observed, C.S. Lewis expresses raw grief (I may reflect on this in the future) which he begins by describing felt 'like fear...the sensation of being afraid'. And secondly, 'the laziness of grief. Not only writing but even reading a letter is too much. Even shaving. What does it matter now whether my cheek is rough or smooth|?'  My early reaction is weary sadness. That certainly means laziness comes easily. Yes, effort is needed more than ever.  .

Yet, because preaching was an early (strange) calling upon my life, I realize this is a gifted fresh opportunity. So I have begun my 'preaching swim' (as in 360degree preaching), immersing myself in the text , listening to what God may be saying and doing in his motivation to action. However, I remembered that I had actually written Encounter bible reading notes not long ago on this passage.

Did I look up my work (still to be published)?  You bet! A brief summary:

This is an astounding two-parter. A dire warning is followed by one of the world's greatest testimonies. First Paul condemns opponents in the church who insist on retaining Jewish requirements for believers. They reveal a 'confidence in the flesh' (verse 3) that still requires obeying laws of the old covenant. You sense Paul's anxiety about their influence on this young church.

Yet this outrage pivots dramatically as Paul describes how he was once one of them. Imagine the religious hubris! And this makes his testimony about encountering Jesus even more powerful - dramatically moving from darkness to light.

Astoundingly a chief opponent of the Jesus way, becomes gloriously transformed to lead Christians as he revels in such stunning all-for-Jesus language.

So I did some listening to the text. Now to take those important two steps: First to identify what to say - the message and purpose - and then prepare how to say it!  I'll let you know how it works out.

Algorithms and the creed

Facebook quickly recognized my bereavement and its algorithm now sends a daily stream of meditations on grief. Is this helpful? Occasionally, yes. One was titled: Mornings are the cruellest.

The morning light comes in the same way it always did, like the world didn't lose someone irreplaceable. And for a moment I just lie there caught between the life I had with you and the one I'm still learning to live without you.

I get up because I have to, but every morning begins the same way now                                              With your name on my lips, with your absence in the room                                                                  With another day ahead that you won't be in.

This resonates .Mornings are the worst for me. I know it's still early days.  Sometimes the meditation are bleak.

When the loss is deep enough it doesn't just break your heart. It breaks the foundation beneath your life. And from that moment on you are learning how to stand on ground that no longer feels familiar. 

No, the foundations are not broken. True much is unfamiliar - I am learning to live on fresh ground. But it's more a question of widening foundations. That's why I was drawn to a meditation (by Dick Willliams in Godfacts,19.73) on that credal conviction: I believe in the communion of saints.

Lord, slowly I am learning that You are my life, and I am learning that You are the life of all who love You;                                                                                                                                              I am learning that we who love You share the same life, and I am learning something of the sweetness and the splendour of that sharing.                                                                                      I am learning that when it is shared, our life in You expands according to some inner principle of  spontaneous growth like fire.                                                                                                            And I remember that You are eternal. You do not die. So that if You are my life, I shall not die.      And those who go before us with you as their life, live in you still, as I do, as your family on earth does.

Lord as we worship You (You who are our life) our love explodes across time and through eternity... catching us together from both sides of death's division and fusing our worship into one great act of praise.

You are God - not of the dead but of the living.

It is slowly learning but what deeper foundations! 

The first horrid birthday

That's what someone called yesterday. The first time I had to face Carol's birthday without her. It's true that certain occasions particularly unlock emotions. It was a year ago that Carol made her last  public outing, when our church life group celebrated her 80th birthday with a banner, diet Coke and good food. Looking far from well, she rose to the occasion and enjoyed the poem created in her honour.  

Yesterday many kind friends remembered the date and sent me messages of love. Good friends travelled from Suffolk to a National Trust Property (Anglesey Abbey) near Cambridge just for me. They treated me to lunch and then we walked a couple of miles through the grounds with spring flowers awakening around us.  What a kind idea to share in a time like that!

Later I was with our church life group for a fish and chip supper remembering Carol one year on. At a sad time there are few better experiences than being wrapped around by friends who not only remember Carol with affection and who miss her with me, but who shared in an extended prayer time one year on.

Yes, there are aspects that are 'horrid'. The loss of someone you deeply loved for 58 years inevitably leaves a cauldron of turbulence. Emotional disturbances bubble beneath the new normal. But I rejoice in yesterday's kindnesses. Thank you to all my friends for wrapping around me!

You're with Jesus, right?

 Four days before the funeral a white van drew up outside. The driver had worked on my solar panels a couple of years ago. Now he was back to wash them! They've been up for over 10 years and through sheer neglect have developed a thickish layer of algae and grime. A skilled salesman he emphasized the benefits of allowing him and his companion to clamber all over the roof (back and front) with a cleaner and (my) hose. 

Was I interested? No. It was among a number of things that I did not want to be bothered with as preparations gathered for Carol's funeral.  Yet, I realized inconvenient though it was I probably would benefit! So, reluctantly, I gave permission and admit they returned the panels to pristine condition - the solar units since have shown appreciable bounce.

When he came to say goodbye he asked about my missus. And then he saw the card display as I explained that she had died. 'Oh, he said, she was a lovely lady. I'm so sorry.'  As he was turning away he suddenly wheeled around. 'She's with Jesus, though, isn't she? You're with Jesus right!' 'Yes,' I replied, 'I'm with Jesus.'  'That's everything that is,' he said. Pulling down his t-shirt from his neck, he showed me the tattoo over his heart. A cross with the words: JESUS SAVES. 'I was in a terrible mess. My whole life. Drinking and all that. Going nowhere I was. And then I met Jesus and he's changed me. And he will never let me go. He's the way to heaven. I am the Way, the Truth, The Life. That's him. So we know that for your wife. She's safe with him.'

You just never know, do you? From a man on my roof came a powerful spiritual message, a testimony of faith, straight from his heart. I have smiled about this unlikely reinforcement of Christian comfort several times since. It's really good to be with Jesus, right? 

Scarf Sharing

 As friends entered the church and looked to the front they saw flowers on a pedestal, further flowers on the edge of the platform, and at the back along the baptismal rail over 70 scarves - the best from Carol's collection. The service sheet ended with a message from me:

One of you wrote: Whenever I think of Carol I hear laughter, see wonderful colour and love. True-and she loved colourful scarves. So today we took the best of her scarf collection, some unworn even, and displayed them at the front. We hope that many of you will feel able to take one away with you as a colourful reminder of dear Carol.

This rainbow range of brightness hit three aspects of Carol's personality

• Her love of scarves for every outfit and occasion. Over the years her collection grew, increased by gifts from friends (who knew how acceptable another scarf would be)! and boosted by gifts Carol packed in her present box for others. My daughters-in-law discarded the worn scarves and chose the best for the display.
• Her love of colour - Carol was educated in art and design at Goldsmiths College, London but she always had an abiding sense of style - always blending colour to suit the occasion.
• Her love of giving gifts - I mentioned in the service the four boxes of gifts in the garage amassed by Carol in this desire to give appropriate gifts. So, she would have approved of her collection being given away at the end of the service.

At the service's conclusion a stream of friends flowed onto the platform and nearly all the scarves went, with many people immediately donning one.  Over tea several spoke about the scarves around their necks: I remember Carol wearing this one! This one is so Carol! How wonderful to have a reminder like this!

The photo shows some family flowers on the platform edge with the rail display at the back.

Thanksgiving Day Link

A bright day of full sunshine, full church, with an engaged Zoom congregation - what a celebration! I need to post about the 'scarves sharing' next time, but this post publishes the link for the service for those many friends who could not attend!  With the (vitally necessary) help of IT friends (including my grandson) I have added the link below. 

At funerals you may reconnect with many friends from the past. That happened in splendid clusters yesterday. Two Australian friends were the furthest travelled, but time-travelling took me back to the church where I was a teenager (Arbury Road Baptist, Cambridge), and many friends from 1980-1993 at St. Andrew's Street Baptist Church, Cambridge as well as Spurgeon's (1993-2000). The church in Blackburn and seminary in the USA will mostly need see the recording. Our current church in Histon excelled in the best of preparations, food, music, AV and just being there. I am immensely grateful to our pastor, Chris Farmer, for his sensitive leading at the quiet family cremation service earlier in the day and then the full thanksgiving service later.  

It's difficult identifying a few highlights but let me single out:

• The major focus on giving thanks to God for Carol which really sounded out. As someone said: No one could fail to see the Christian joy throughout.' 
• Photo montage through Carol's life, especially showing the determined little girl full of character.
• Both my boys spoke movingly - it was special hearing their recollections, which included....
• Audio recording of Carol (in 2015) telling how she met me for the first time.
• Histon church tribute with a poem on her 80th.
• Scarf sharing - more in next post.

Among other thanks, I mentioned (had to) Carol's talent for match-making in Cambridge and Spurgeon's. Someone calculated that least 7 couples were present whom I had married, of which three pairs had been encouraged together by Carol. What fun in reconnecting over a mammoth tea. afterwards. Many individual conversations I will treasure for a long time. Oh, so much that I shall treasure of the whole day!

John Gooch of our AV team gave me the link below. You will be able to see the full service and also the photo montage of Carol.  Hopefully when you click on it, all will become clear. Thank you for being part of a special day for my family.

 Thanksgiving Carol Quicke