Last words on testimony

Paul's Christian testimony has startling potency, especially facing these smasher-uppers. It's a shining example of the transformed life 'in Christ'. However in my sermon I needed to add a word on one particular expression that jumped out at me. Though I thought that my bereavement had not borne any influence in my preparation, I realize it triggered a strong response to a word in verse 11.

Paul gives unwavering testimony and writes: 'I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection' (Verse 10) yet he adds 'and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.'  The two little Greek words translated 'somehow' occur three other times in the New Testament and introduce a note of uncertainty. Could there be uncertainty along with such a strong testimony? Surely not! However, the truth is that you may have strong faith in Jesus (itself a gift of God Eph 2:8) and still have wobbles under pressure, questioning about how God can still be working his promises.

At this point I reflected back to the situations about which I posted once when Carol was dying (Corrective note 9 April). I have had many comments on this post, because I needed to correct any impression that our strong faith in Jesus meant an easy ride. At times the awfulness of her disease and the distress she was going through was deeply painful. Friends who visited said that if I had not been sitting beside her they would not have recognised her. So changed by suffering. So, yes, there are wobbles, especially when she told me how God was not answering her prayers to help her. I held her hand and prayed with her, but at times like that you just wonder how God is going to work it all through to his glory. You really do say 'somehow' in a questioning but also expectant way because you believe he will be faithful to his promises. Giving testimony, living testimony, is not an easy ride.

And talking of blog posts I had to end the sermon with the story of the man on my roof  (You're with Jesus, right? 6 May) A few in the congregation had read the story but most hadn't, and they obviously enjoyed hearing of the solar-panel washer who boldly told me his potent testimony to reassure me that Carol is safe with Jesus. A great way to end!

Smasher-uppers and a testimony

When you feel you are in the right and others are wrong it's easy to make trouble. You don't need big issues to do damage. In my ministry I have encountered big issues, sometimes when leaders fixate on something they are so sure about. And, always, discernment about what is good or evil is a necessary spiritual discipline. (Heb. 5:15). But you can fall out seriously on lesser matters. In my decades (!) of ministry I guess one of the most obvious issue has centred on music. Moving from formal worship with classic hymns to contemporary music in less formal ways has sharpened strong opinions. 

Recently, I came across a- book - a self-published autobiography by a gifted musician who happened to have led worship in one of my churches. I remembered he had briefly mentioned his time in my church. Only a few words, mainly about one Sunday evening. He was in the congregation when a visiting group (I think of young people) led worship. At one point the congregation was encouraged to dance in the aisles, though no-one actually did!  He was near me standing at the door afterwards, when an older lady stormed up to me. He names her - she was one of the old faithfuls. And she was furious. He says that she stamped her feet. (I think that's artistic licence). But her attack was ferocious and wounding. 'How dare I allow music to degenerate and ruin her church etc.' Apparently I responded with pastoral concern while challenging her to see a bigger picture. I supposedly said that she couldn't bully her way because she felt she was right! Anyway, it was the end for her and storming out she finished with the church. What surprised and saddened me was to read that the author, my music director, was to resign too. He couldn't cope with any more smashing-up. Though I talked with him about his move, he never revealed this story until I read the book! How sad. (As a healing footnote - the angry lady eventually returned. Perhaps other churches she visited were even worse! I like to think it was love that won her back). 

How does the apostle Paul deal with these smasher-uppers. In the best way possible. He answers that question Who matters most in church? by giving his testimony about Jesus.  That's the corrective to any who lose sight of Jesus. GIVE YOUR TESTIMONY ABOUT JESUS.  LIVE YOUR TESTIMONY.

What a deeply personal testimony this is. He confronts these Judaizers whose credentials bolster their self-confidence about how right they are. It's as though Paul says: 'If you want to play the credential game about being right let me tell you I outclass you'. Look at the list, verses 4-6 . Not only circumcised, Hebrew of Hebrews, Pharisee, but a persecutor of the church. 'As for legalistic righteousness, faultless.'(verse 6). He knew that he was just so right he crusaded to destroy the church. 

But now he says he was so wrong. So very wrong.

Now I have met Jesus. Actually, he met me. And all these credentials I once thought all-important are gone from my life. Because 'Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, first hand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant - dog dung (The Message v 8 remembering the street dog!)  It is extraordinary - the arch persecutor now founding church missionary for Jesus. Utterly amazing. It's one of the greatest Christian testimonies, so dramatically moving from darkness to light. Now it's all about Jesus. 

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So what happened?

It was strange preaching again without Carol being physically with me. And, yes, at one point she did creep into the sermon! I began by thanking the church for their extraordinary hard work and loving support poured out to make Carol's Thanksgiving Service bearable and, at times, even joyful. I also had to mention the stupidly obvious sermon title I had chosen: Who matters most in church? Even people who never go near church will answer 'Well, it's God isn't it?' We need to say Jesus matters most - Head of the Church, his body. But what is stupid is when we never ask the question!

In these verse Paul is explosively personal. You can sense the passion and anger. Please understand that Paul really loves this church yet there is something he must repeat. It is essential in their situation but because God promises to keep speaking through his word, we must hear him now. A couple of different things happen. First there is a warning. 

(Verse 2) Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh.  There are two Greek words translated dog. One is for house dog. 'Sit....Fido. Good boy.' House trained – loyal friend. As a nation of dog lovers and cat lovers, we won't have a bad word said about Fido. But there is another word for dog – street dog. Street dogs are a world away from Fido. Feral, vicious, dangerous roaming the streets and attacking passersby. This is the word here. Street dogs have followed the apostle Paul wherever he has gone (see them mentioned in other letters too) with his good news message that Jesus is enough for salvation. They believe in Jesus but as Jewish Christians they are bullying and demanding converts need to be circumcised and follow other Jewish practices in order to be truly saved.  They are known as Judaisers. And when I say bullied there is a pernicious one upmanship that so upsets Paul. They know they are right about what matters to God and this young church is wrong. 

And, at this point in the young church’s story they are immensely dangerous. This is no minor issue, because Jesus is a Jew who gloriously fulfils the promise of the Old Testament with the gift of the New Covenant. Instead of all the rituals and sacrifices repeated every year, Jesus in his own sacrifice on the cross achieves forgiveness and eternal life once and for all. Sheer grace. A new family of God, New creation. But their teaching undoes everything about the good news of Jesus Christ. It's legalistic add-ons put emphasis back on obeying old commands rather than living in freedom to love God and neighbour within a kingdom of grace. They are saboteurs. If they win the fight they destroy the heart of grace in Christ..They are so sure they are right.  

So, how do we sum up this warning?  Beware the smasher-uppers. I know that’s not a real term but you know what I mean – people  who are so sure that they are so right about what really matters and other people are so wrong, they are bullying and forcing their way to divide and smash up a church. To destroy relationships because they know who counts . They are acting as though they MATTER MOST IN CHURCH.  They really do. They must get their way and they don't care what they smash up. In this church it threatens everything This is a big issue. But smasher-uppers don’t really need big issues. People can fixate on many things in church and it's so often complicated by personality issues. We know....

 

Too Soon?

I have been asked to preach next Sunday in Histon Baptist Church. Someone said to me: 'Isn't it too soon?' Good question. I am not sure. A series on Philippians is current and I need to slot in with a sermon on ch.3:1-11. Could it be too soon after Carol's funeral?  I guess my concentration levels are down a bit. In A grief observed, C.S. Lewis expresses raw grief (I may reflect on this in the future) which he begins by describing felt 'like fear...the sensation of being afraid'. And secondly, 'the laziness of grief. Not only writing but even reading a letter is too much. Even shaving. What does it matter now whether my cheek is rough or smooth|?'  My early reaction is weary sadness. That certainly means laziness comes easily. Yes, effort is needed more than ever.  .

Yet, because preaching was an early (strange) calling upon my life, I realize this is a gifted fresh opportunity. So I have begun my 'preaching swim' (as in 360degree preaching), immersing myself in the text , listening to what God may be saying and doing in his motivation to action. However, I remembered that I had actually written Encounter bible reading notes not long ago on this passage.

Did I look up my work (still to be published)?  You bet! A brief summary:

This is an astounding two-parter. A dire warning is followed by one of the world's greatest testimonies. First Paul condemns opponents in the church who insist on retaining Jewish requirements for believers. They reveal a 'confidence in the flesh' (verse 3) that still requires obeying laws of the old covenant. You sense Paul's anxiety about their influence on this young church.

Yet this outrage pivots dramatically as Paul describes how he was once one of them. Imagine the religious hubris! And this makes his testimony about encountering Jesus even more powerful - dramatically moving from darkness to light.

Astoundingly a chief opponent of the Jesus way, becomes gloriously transformed to lead Christians as he revels in such stunning all-for-Jesus language.

So I did some listening to the text. Now to take those important two steps: First to identify what to say - the message and purpose - and then prepare how to say it!  I'll let you know how it works out.

Algorithms and the creed

Facebook quickly recognized my bereavement and its algorithm now sends a daily stream of meditations on grief. Is this helpful? Occasionally, yes. One was titled: Mornings are the cruellest.

The morning light comes in the same way it always did, like the world didn't lose someone irreplaceable. And for a moment I just lie there caught between the life I had with you and the one I'm still learning to live without you.

I get up because I have to, but every morning begins the same way now                                              With your name on my lips, with your absence in the room                                                                  With another day ahead that you won't be in.

This resonates .Mornings are the worst for me. I know it's still early days.  Sometimes the meditation are bleak.

When the loss is deep enough it doesn't just break your heart. It breaks the foundation beneath your life. And from that moment on you are learning how to stand on ground that no longer feels familiar. 

No, the foundations are not broken. True much is unfamiliar - I am learning to live on fresh ground. But it's more a question of widening foundations. That's why I was drawn to a meditation (by Dick Willliams in Godfacts,19.73) on that credal conviction: I believe in the communion of saints.

Lord, slowly I am learning that You are my life, and I am learning that You are the life of all who love You;                                                                                                                                              I am learning that we who love You share the same life, and I am learning something of the sweetness and the splendour of that sharing.                                                                                      I am learning that when it is shared, our life in You expands according to some inner principle of  spontaneous growth like fire.                                                                                                            And I remember that You are eternal. You do not die. So that if You are my life, I shall not die.      And those who go before us with you as their life, live in you still, as I do, as your family on earth does.

Lord as we worship You (You who are our life) our love explodes across time and through eternity... catching us together from both sides of death's division and fusing our worship into one great act of praise.

You are God - not of the dead but of the living.

It is slowly learning but what deeper foundations! 

The first horrid birthday

That's what someone called yesterday. The first time I had to face Carol's birthday without her. It's true that certain occasions particularly unlock emotions. It was a year ago that Carol made her last  public outing, when our church life group celebrated her 80th birthday with a banner, diet Coke and good food. Looking far from well, she rose to the occasion and enjoyed the poem created in her honour.  

Yesterday many kind friends remembered the date and sent me messages of love. Good friends travelled from Suffolk to a National Trust Property (Anglesey Abbey) near Cambridge just for me. They treated me to lunch and then we walked a couple of miles through the grounds with spring flowers awakening around us.  What a kind idea to share in a time like that!

Later I was with our church life group for a fish and chip supper remembering Carol one year on. At a sad time there are few better experiences than being wrapped around by friends who not only remember Carol with affection and who miss her with me, but who shared in an extended prayer time one year on.

Yes, there are aspects that are 'horrid'. The loss of someone you deeply loved for 58 years inevitably leaves a cauldron of turbulence. Emotional disturbances bubble beneath the new normal. But I rejoice in yesterday's kindnesses. Thank you to all my friends for wrapping around me!

You're with Jesus, right?

 Four days before the funeral a white van drew up outside. The driver had worked on my solar panels a couple of years ago. Now he was back to wash them! They've been up for over 10 years and through sheer neglect have developed a thickish layer of algae and grime. A skilled salesman he emphasized the benefits of allowing him and his companion to clamber all over the roof (back and front) with a cleaner and (my) hose. 

Was I interested? No. It was among a number of things that I did not want to be bothered with as preparations gathered for Carol's funeral.  Yet, I realized inconvenient though it was I probably would benefit! So, reluctantly, I gave permission and admit they returned the panels to pristine condition - the solar units since have shown appreciable bounce.

When he came to say goodbye he asked about my missus. And then he saw the card display as I explained that she had died. 'Oh, he said, she was a lovely lady. I'm so sorry.'  As he was turning away he suddenly wheeled around. 'She's with Jesus, though, isn't she? You're with Jesus right!' 'Yes,' I replied, 'I'm with Jesus.'  'That's everything that is,' he said. Pulling down his t-shirt from his neck, he showed me the tattoo over his heart. A cross with the words: JESUS SAVES. 'I was in a terrible mess. My whole life. Drinking and all that. Going nowhere I was. And then I met Jesus and he's changed me. And he will never let me go. He's the way to heaven. I am the Way, the Truth, The Life. That's him. So we know that for your wife. She's safe with him.'

You just never know, do you? From a man on my roof came a powerful spiritual message, a testimony of faith, straight from his heart. I have smiled about this unlikely reinforcement of Christian comfort several times since. It's really good to be with Jesus, right?