Chugging Along

I fear that this blog has become too enmeshed in my medical exploits and post-operative weakness. Forgive me. I am definitely on an upward path but each day continues to focus rather narrowly on (sometimes) very small achievements. This one-day-at-a-time-keep-resting-intensively state of mind has inevitably caused tensions.

Just last week an email came in inviting me to teach an intensive week down in Tennessee in June. Frankly, as I read the details (which normally would have excited me) I found it extraordinarily difficult imagining how I could actually say 'yes'. I try to think and pray carefully before making future commitments, but it was surprisingly difficult thinking beyond my one-day focus into a few months ahead. Probably it is necessary for the recuperating soul not to rush forward too quickly. But when you are chugging along it is not easy envisaging full health and energy back in force. Yes, I have faith this will happen but it is not straight forward putting a big commitment in the calendar!

Interestingly, the same morning as the email my Scripture readings included Psalm 131 (which neatly follows the anguish of Ps. 130). It struck me forcibly how careful I have to be about the whole business of 'thinking big'!

My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quietened my soul; like a weaned child with its
mother.

It's not that I should ever lose the wonder about God's great purposes but that I should know the importance of small matters and ordinary things when I am chugging along. Too often pride rushes ahead when humility before God keeps a quieter focus. This is a word to me. And maybe to some of my readers!