Cancer Interrupts (4)

At last the day of surgery is here. Tomorrow I shall be in hospital at 5:00 am (or thereabouts!) for an operation lasting 4-5 hours. The last few days have passed ploddingly with business as usual in seminary work and teaching, yet set against this weird backdrop of cold-blooded surgery. I well remember a past operation when I was in so much pain I was pleading for the scalpel and would have given permission for amputation if that helped! Going into theater was a non-negotiable. Please. Please. But this time the lack of pain and the long wait gives an aura of unreality. Do I really have cancer that needs such drama? Well, apparently so!

Along the way I am sorry to report that I have not been given profound spiritual insights. I know some people do have them. But, for us, there has been a degree of numbness. Yet, part of this numbness actually testifies to workaday peace and faith that has encouraged us to place the future in God's safe hands. Remarkably, we have experienced prayer at work every hour. Formally, we have both been prayed for with laying on of hands and richly affirming prayers of faith in different contexts. Informally, a circle of people around the world has wrapped around us with messages of love and prayer. What a difference such praying has made. I once preached a sermon called: "What happens when we don't pray?" We are so grateful that we shall not find out! And how much we have valued your care. It has startled us what people are prepared to do, like our neighbors here on Fowler Circle who have formed a couple of teams to cook us meals on my return from hospital. This is a special time of receiving love and care. Within it all I know that God is holding us in hope and healing power. Oh yes!

There has been some fun too. I agreed to join a research program into which I (plus around 300 others) have been entered which requires extra pathological tests, bone density scan and very (very) lengthy questionnaires about my fitness and food consumption. I have just spent 1 and a half hours on the densest food questionnaire imaginable. It's all in aid of research to establish whether there is any link between prostate cancer, diet and obesity. Unfortunately my love of ice cream is now on record. Hopefully, such personal details may benefit someone!

Anyway, I shall look forward to updating you on the other side of surgery. Thank you for your continuing prayers.

Cancer Interrupts (3)

So many people have kindly asked: "How do you feel?" It's easy to answer on the physical level. Even though the cancer has been growing for many years I don't feel any different today now that I know! Of course, the emotional level is more complex. Three weeks today I have my surgery but each day of waiting seems wearingly longer than usual. Dark thoughts can break in and the sheer uncertainty of everything can puncture the hopefulness. And I know it is more difficult for Carol than for me as I continue to work. Teaching begins next Monday and I have a full schedule, including a day conference on January 21st. which positively fills this time of waiting.

However, on the spiritual level, which should hold together the physical and emotional, I do know God's love and encouragement. I am reminded that the Holy Spirit is not just the Comforter (a traditional translation of the Greek paraclete). He is certainly that , but he is the come-alongside Lord who enables us to cope with life courageously...and our waiting bravely. Part of the word comforter comes from fortis - which means brave. The Holy Spirit puts bravery, strength, iron and guts into living. That's the strength I am seeking to live by.

Thank you for all your messages, stories and prayers. We have been deeply moved by your support and shall keep you in the picture.

Cancer Interrupts (2)

Since sharing my news, I have been overwhelmed (in a good way) by the wishes, prayers and stories of so many friends from around the world. What an incredible comfort and support you have been. THANK YOU from us both.

I do not want to turn this blog into a plodding medical bulletin. I have always marveled at those who are able to reflect with spiritual depth and perception even as they go through dark places. Frankly, for me, it has been an utter jumble of emotions so far, with patches of 'normal life' punctured by sharp needles of the unknown. (I guess that is a biopsy metaphor!) Yet, Carol and I can testify to experiencing some peace so profound that we know it can only be God's gift - we know we are being prayed for.

I have just received the date for my operation: Friday, January 27th. at Loyola University Hospital. Apparently, it is a four hour operation that robotically removes the cancerous prostate plus lymph nodes and some surrounding nerves. Of course our prayer is that the surgeon can completely remove the cancer and that it has not spread. Only God knows what lies beyond...but we are trusting Him.

Thanks for your prayers - some of you know exactly what we are going through. We treasure your friendship and support.

Cancer interrupts!

The last couple of postings have seen me musing about 'sermony' (and I have more to write!) But in the last few days my life has abruptly shifted gear. A biopsy for prostate cancer last week found fairly aggressive cancer (Gleason level 7) throughout my prostate. Surgery for radical removal of the prostate plus lymph glands will occur as soon as I have healed from the biopsy - probably in late January 2012. Noone can say whether the cancer is contained until after surgery so our prayers are obvously focused on a removal of all the cancer at this next surgery.

How suddenly we can be catapulted from our usual lives (like grading papers and thinking about sermony) into a frightening world of the BIG C. Several of my friends have been there before me - often with positive outcomes. Honestly, I am still trying to come to terms with it. I am optimistic in outlook and was sure the biopsy would be clear. My PSA was still relatively low and the doctor said 70% of these tests prove OK. So, the bad news jolted me with a swift unwelcome lesson about my vulnerability. (Actually, Carol was much more pessimistic and expressed much less surprise. And her successful action on my behalf in pursuing subsequent medical attention would take several postings to relate!)

Since hearing the news, Carol and I have been overwhelmed by the love and care of friends, expressed in emails and calls. Many of you have promised prayers and spoken of God's promised gifts of peace and healing. Already, we are aware of powerfully tangible spiritual support reminding us that faith in Jesus Christ is for grown-up living that matures through bad as well as good news. That truly believes that God has the last word and it is a word of hope.

Throughout my ministry I have often been involved with 'old boys' and their prostate problems, but now I am one of them! This is a wake-up call about how precious life is, and how God wants us to live with daily trust in him. And I seek to live victoriously in Christ, the Lord being my healer and my helper.